32 Truthful Tweets About the Turbulent Tides of Dating

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  • 01
    Human body - Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
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  • 02
    Font - wyatt @turntretarded SHE DIDNT GHOST ME SHE WAS JUST IN REHAB LETS GOOOOOOOO 7:12 PM 1/14/23 679K Views . 31.5K Likes 1,975 Retweets 185 Quotes
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  • 03
    Jaw - JenAshley Wright @JenAshleyWright Wait. Why is it called ghosting? Ghosts stick around. THAT'S THEIR WHOLE DEAL. 9/20/17, 8:07 PM
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  • 04
    Jaw - woahh mann @ashhhhhhole and is his potential in the room with us right now? 7:13 PM 12/15/22 . 4,303 Retweets 252 Quote Tweets 34.6K Likes
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  • 05
    Font - Spotless mind+ @jjairr_ My ex was like "I know a spot" then took me to the lowest point in my life. 8:34 AM 3/8/21 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 06
    Handwriting - Tommy Richt Tuesday at 11:54 PM. You can play hard to get all you want but I already kissed ya profile picture
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  • 07
    Rectangle - I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
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  • 08
    Font - kelsey darragh @kelseydarragh Mailing my ex his stuff. I'm including things that aren't his so he knows I'm already sleeping with someone new..and that Im still insane.
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  • 09
    Font - Rachel @femaleredhead oh your boyfriend's a doctor? well my boyfriend is now the coach of an imaginary football team for the next 4 months 5:13 PM 9/5/22 Twitter for iPhone . 9,084 Retweets 1,669 Quote Tweets 130K Likes
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  • 10
    Font - Raven's Sin of Literature @TheBoyWhoWrote Send me a "we need to talk" text and I'm just going to respond with "yeah. We absolutely do." Now we're both waiting with spicy armpits.
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  • 11
    Jaw - CORINNE FISHER @PhilanthropyGal The longer your happy anniversary caption is the worse I know things are going.
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  • 12
    Nose - Eleven @lamShree Being in a relationship is solving problems together, Problems you wouldn't have if you were single.
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  • 13
    Font - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba Go ahead and get married and be the prime suspect of a murder investigation if anything remotely suspicious happens to them for the rest of their life
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  • 14
    Font - Adamned Cerious @Browtweaten but babe this is my emotional support pile of stuff next to my bed
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  • 15
    Font - @hersheyKisses_ Date idea: Fight another couple. 8:29 PM 2021-07-06 Twitter for iPhone ● 6,016 Retweets 2,210 Quote Tweets 24.3K Likes
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  • 16
    Rectangle - Shower Thoughts @showerfeelings If the pollution of oceans and overfishing continue, they'll have to update "there's plenty of fish in the sea" to "there are still some fish left among the trash", which is also far more accurate dating-wise.
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  • 17
    Font - Laura Kay Sherman @LauraKaySherms male birth control is free: just hold a fish in your profile photo
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  • 18
    Jaw - F Him: I'm sorry, socks in bed are kind of a deal breaker Me: wow My sock puppet: WOW Panneda Express @justokpanda
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  • 19
    World - D.J. Short @djshort Ah yes, it's the time of year where people in commercials buy cars without telling their significant others like complete psychopaths.
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  • 20
    Font - Helena Bottom-Farter @solikebasically DON'T CALL IT TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IF IT DOESN'T EVEN SECURE ALLIANCES BETWEEN RIVAL FIEFDOMS
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  • 21
    Organism - jarrett sleeper @jarrettsleeper Domestic partnerships: mostly interrupting your partner to force them to look at your shared pet. You do this as if it were an emergency. You do this with a raised voice and an unpleasant intensity. Pet looks the same as yesterday and five minutes ago. That doesn't matter. Look. 6:01 PM 6/17/21. Twitter for iPhone
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  • 22
    Smile - Jennifer Wortman @wrefinnej Today I discovered my husband has me in his phone as "Jennifer Wortman." 12:13 PM 1/30/21 Twitter Web App . .
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  • 23
    Font - Yukon Gold @GrahamKritzer My Mom finally got the courage to bring my Dad's urn into the living room and place it on the mantle. It was bittersweet and caught everyone a little off guard, including my Dad who was just sitting there watching Storage Wars. 11:05 AM 12 Apr 22 Twitter Web App ●
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  • 24
    Font - Lily Sullivan @LilyYily ... my love language is cooking elaborate meals screaming at everyone to get out of the kitchen then loudly announcing the food was NOT MY BEST and waiting for compliments
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  • 25
    Font - Turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wife's birthday.
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  • 26
    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes ... My wife left me because I'm insecure. Oh, no, wait, she's back. She just went for groceries.
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  • 27
    Organism - He pressed her up against the wall. She could feel his jorts bulging as he untucked his "World's Best Dad" t-shirt. She pushed him backwards onto the bed and he began to undress. "No." she said, "The New Balance 624s stay on." 49 Like Comment 15 Comments Send "I'm so hot" she proclaimed. "Hi hot, I'm dad" he whispered.
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  • 28
    Font - Tank.Sinatra @George Resch Every app is a dating app if you're creepy enough
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  • 29
    Font - Mike F @animaldrumss its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside 4/25/15, 11:32 PM 10.6K RETWEETS 19.3K FAVORITES
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  • 30
    Product - Troy Johnson @_troyjohnson Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home. RETWEETS LIKES 1,385 2,432
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  • 31
    Font - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix My wife and I agreed never to go to bed angry with each other which is why we've both been awake since January 14, 2013. 10:31 AM 1/10/20 Twitter Web App >
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  • 32
    World - r Thread JamesTM @_JamesOG_ divorced parents be meeting at store parking lots exchanging they kids like it's a drug deal 5:07 pm 02/10/2020 Twitter for Android 소고 . 29.9K Retweets 157K Likes O ←]
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